The Friend Zone

sorry mom. had too…

What does this mean?


A nice way of saying it…

According to Wikipedia…
in popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. it is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship. the idea of a "friend zone" is often criticized as simply being a platonic relationship in which one party never informs the other of their affection, then resents the other party for not sensing it, or feels entitled to the other party's affections despite the wishes of the other party. 


The reality of it…

According to UrbanDictionary.com
(who apparently only thinks this happens to men!)

When a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp. 

Friend 1: Are you still with that girl? 
You: We're just friends
Friend 2: A moment of silence for our brother in the friend zone. 


yep. this has happened to me. not once. not twice…but a few times. i won't bore you with an exact number because that will just make it seem sad. and sad i am not. i actually think it's quite comical. the only reason i bring this up now is because it recently just happened to me. a friend kindly/obnoxiously felt the need to point it out to me. so naturally i had to write about it. 

and write about it i shall…


so the friend zone…
i guess i have always known what this meant but never knew i suffered from chronic friend zoning. yes everyone...my wise friend has diagnosed me. she says the cure is to stop being so available and to have a little more mystery. 
mystery…who needs more mystery? what is this….CLUE? 
after this little chat with my friend; i started doing a little research…via the inter nets. i mean duh…if it's on the internet then it must be true right? apparently this topic is quite popular and a lot of people have gone to the nets to discuss. 
did you know that some believe there are different degrees to the "friend zone?"  
(warning…if you are offended by the word wiener…don't click to read. otherwise…read on…you know you want to)

my recent zoning happened with Mr. Cosmo who i met right after i moved here. i barely remember our first meeting only due to the fact that i was a bit of a mess…considering i was practically a squatter sleeping on my friend's air mattress, living out of a suitcase and trying to act cool while being completely lost most of the time. however, what i do remember was thinking he was super dreamy and funny. 
now ladies…let me give you a quick description of  Mr. Cosmo. you know how in Cosmo magazine there are always the "meet this guy" type articles. the ones that show a very attractive "down home" guy doing something completely normal like cooking, reading or building a bird feeder. then casually there will be a list of "likes and dislikes" and they all usually have something to do with the guy loving a girl with a sense of humor, who's honest and has a good heart. when you are done reading the article you say to yourself…"aww good guys really do exist!" and you feel just a tinge of hope. 
well Mr. Cosmo is that guy. 

i met him through a friend and there was cabernet involved so it wasn't hard for us to strike up a conversation. we of course hit it off and i naturally developed a crush pretty fast. i guess i was convincing myself i needed a bird feeder! so i was telling my friend about this guy a few months ago and she automatically says, "seriously tanyel. what's the deal with this guy? are you just friends?" at the time i honestly didn't know the answer to that question. what is it about being in the middle of a crush that makes you completely dumb and blind? you end up dissecting every little thing…from his leg accidentally bumping yours to him taking two extra minutes to explain the reasoning behind the wine flight lineup you just ordered. When in reality it all just means that he may suffer from restless leg syndrome and a passion for wine.

just recently that same friend asked me again what was going on and while asking she decided to run through a series of questions that would define his and my relationship. 
1. does he call you outside of when you guys hang out? 
2. have you ever hung out with him one on one?  
3. does he talk about other girls to you? 

after answering every question with a strong "NO!" i took a large gulp from my bowl of wine and said "ugh. when you put it that way!" 
reality hit me…i was acting like one of "those" girls. 
blinded by the crush. 
my friend then continued to take it one more step and really set her words to flame…"didn't you buy that Steve Harvey book? Why on earth didn't his advice stick?" 


good question.


here's to a new day…and making it stick.