Tuesday, May 15, 2012

D-I-N-O-S-A, You are a dinosaur

If only they were this cute & innocent 


Attention Attention....
I have a confession...

I'm a Gleek! 

That's right. I admit it. 

For those of you who don't don't know what this is; here's a brief definition: 
(According to the oh so wise Urban Dictionary)

(n) Anyone who is obsessed with the television show Glee may call themselves a "Gleek". It is a combination of the words "glee" and "geek," implying that the person is a "Glee Geek." This is similar to calling someone a "Trekkie" (someone who is obsessed with Star Trek) or a "RENThead" (someone who is obsessed with the musical RENT).

I don't know what it is about this show but I love it.  
I'm almost 30 and I love Glee! 
There. I said it. 
(whew, now that I got that off my chest I can get to my story of the week)

I'm sure you are all wondering why in the world I'm professing my love for this teeny bopper show. Well considering what happened to me on the bus last week; I felt that this performance by Brittany on Glee pretty much makes the perfect soundtrack for what I'm about to tell you and the confession/"don't judge me because I love Glee" disclaimer was needed prior. 

Let the story of Mr. Dinosaur  begin...

Now as many of you know; public transportation is a completely new concept for me. So talking to strangers while heading home on the bus; totally new.  Ever since the Mr. Hot "incident"; I have become rather aware of who's around me on the bus. I mean come on...He could pop up at any moment and I so don't want to be that person caught picking her teeth when she thinks no one is looking. Well this new found awareness has officially backfired big time. 
Got on the bus last week just like I've done everyday for the last 2 months. I settle into the closest seat I can find near the exit. (so I don't miss my stop of course). Just as I sit down the lady sitting next to me tells me she's getting off at the next stop. I smile and let her pass. Now here is the thing about bus courtesy  protocol...When someone who is sitting near the window needs to get out at the next stop; you are supposed to let them out and then move in so that the next person can sit down without any struggle. Well I'm totally that person that stays sitting on the aisle (something about sitting next to the window that gives me a bit of anxiety. Fear of missing my stop I guess) Rude. I know. 
Well against my better judgment; after Mrs. Window gets up I scoot over to the window. 

In walks Mr. Dinosaur...

Mr. Sanford 

Pops Williams

Why o Why did I not listen to my inner voice that said "Tanyel, sit in the aisle. You know you want to!" 
Mr. Dinosaur and I make eye contact and I can already sense that this is going to be the longest bus ride of my life because he's totally going to sit next to me. I quickly put my sunglasses back on and turn my music up one notch.  

Cue the lyrics to Dinosaur by Kesha.
Awesomely performed by Brittany on Glee.

D-I-N-O-S-A- You are a Dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-You are a Dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N
You're just an old man
Hitting on me what?
You need a cat scan

Not long til' your a senior citizen
And you can strut around with that sexy tank of oxygen
Honey your toupee is fallin' to your left side
Get up and go bro!
Oh wait your fossilized HA!

Does this stop Mr. Dino? NO!!! 
So Mr. Dino decides to sit down. Keep in mind. I have my "don't even look my way" sun glasses on and my headphones on. 
Mr. Dino still feels the need to chat. 

"Hello." - Dino
(I say nothing)
"How are you?" - Dino  
(now he has lost his old man mind and has the nerve to touch me on the shoulder) 
"hi"- me
"how are you I said"- Dino
"fine." - me
"my name is Mr. Dino. What's yours"- Dino
"Danielle." - me
"What do you do?" - Dino
(Insert me praying to God...if you get this man away from me; I will never talk to another stranger again.)
"(made up occupation)" - me
" That sounds exciting." - Dino
"Well i go to blah blah blah church; you should come with me!"-Dino
"umm no." - me
"how about dinner?" - Dino
"dude. no."- me
"Why not?"- Dino

(Then Mr. Dino starts to search around in his coat pockets. 
Oh my Lord in heaven....I'm going to die. Yep. This is it...
Mr. Fossilized Dino man is going to murder me right here on the CTA bus. At this point I'm in full Law & Order: SVU mode. Where in the world are Stabler & Benson when you need them.)

Mr. Dino decides to pull out his 1902 bag phone and ask me for my number. As he's trying to get my digits he literally has to pull out glasses to see the huge quarter size numbers on the phone. Trying to hold back laughter I look at him and say. 
"I really don't think my hulking boyfriend would appreciate that very much." 
(Why did I feel the need to throw in a hulking. who knows. I was trying to make a point)
Mr. Dino finally gets the hint and starts to get up. But before he leaves he actually says to me. "i hope your hulking man appreciates you!...if he doesn't I will" (Dude you can barely see and are two days from needing oxygen with you 24/7! no!) 

After 2 seconds of composing myself and wishing I could have the last 5 minutes of my life back. Mr. Ivy league sits down next to me. I quickly remove my sunglasses. Take my headphones off and catch myself batting my eyelashes. 
"Hey." - Mr. Ivy
"hi."- Me
 All of a sudden from the back of the bus I hear... 
"uh huh. Now look who's interested. Don't ask for her number man! She has a hulking boyfriend." - Dino


Mr. Ivy League looks at me and smiles. I coyly smile back and laugh off what just happened while dying a little bit on the inside

(Thank the Lord it's my stop. LET ME OFF THIS BUS!!) 

Oy Vey. 
Another tangled day in the city

No comments:

Post a Comment