Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I Don't Know Karate but...

time for a little vent

as we all know…i'm clearly swimming, stumbling and wading around in the dating pool. well let me be the first one to tell you…IT'S ROUGH WATERS OUT THERE!!! you know…the kind of waters that make you think Tom Hanks and Wilson could float by at any moment.

  so i have been waiting to bring this up…due to the fact that i didn't want to jinx my chances. 


why did i think it would jinx my chances? 
well i'm not exactly sure. 
it's kind of like…when you meet a new guy and you start to get serious but you decide not to bring him home quite yet to meet your parents..due to the fear of them saying things like, "what are your intentions? do you have a 401k? you do know she's expensive!?"
or it could just be the fact that i'm a hopeless romantic and i secretly think it would be cool to say…"hey everyone. this is my boyfriend. we met online. and he's not a killer. (yet) 

a friend once said to me, 
" you are on an interesting spiritual journey laced casually with cynicism and unfailing hope. Your cynicism I get, but the hope confuses me." 
yep that sums me up in a nutshell. 

like a sucker i let one of my friends talk me into joining an online dating site. what is it about non-single friends? i know that deep down inside they want the best for me but they always like to give advice on things they know good and well they would never do. 

For Example
- "you just need to walk up to him and ask him out!" (oh really. is it that easy?)
-. "don't get married too early. you have plenty of time!" (how much time? do you have a chart of some sort that i could reference? oh you don't. why? oh yea…YOU GOT  MARRIED AT 23!!!!)
- "if you stop thinking about it…it will happen!" (how in the world can i stop thinking about it? every time you see me you ask. "so…meet any great guys lately?)
- "you need to see if your "coupled" friends know any single guys!" (umm you are one of my "coupled" friends. do you know any?)

i digress.

so yea. i decided to sign up for the 6 month guarantee plan. now that i look back...what is the guarantee exactly? do you guarantee that my my date won't actually ask me if my boobs are real? (oh yea. that has happened to me before) do you guarantee that my date won't be someone who complains about how dark it is in the restaurant? do you guarantee that he won't actually say out loud "whew. this place is expensive!" (yep. that happened too. same guy) oh wait. i know. you guarantee that my profile will be viewed 1648 times but only the looney tunes have the balls to actually reach out and make the first move. 
(come on guys...if you can't man up online...where can you?)

so my 6 months is one week from being complete and i have come to a conclusion...
nope. not even a little bit.
here i am paying for a service that has brought me nothing but another reason to go and buy more wine. (after the bad dates of course)

the crazy thing about all of this is that even after the past 6 months…i'm still hopeful. 
dang you Nora Ephron!!!! 

so bring on the cabernet and the winter hibernation. 

and finally…
this is best summed up by the wise wise Mindy Kaling.

"I'm the kind of person who would rather get my hopes up really high and watch them get dashed to pieces than wisely keep my expectations at bay and hope they are exceeded.
This quality has made me a needy and theatrical friend, but has given me a spectacularly dramatic emotional life." 

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

here's to the last  week…


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