Sunday, June 9, 2013
ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SPAZ
yes. I've done it again.
i have let my truly spastic ways rear their ugly head.
as you all know i become some of a nut ball when it comes to the opposite sex. you know...i fall flat on my face, get attacked by their dogs, fall on them during bus rides etc. well this past week was no different. i had the pleasure of truly embarrassing myself at the grocery store yet again. this will be the second time this has happened to me. this little mishap made me think about the first time...so i'm sharing
my mom has always told me..."don't go to the grocery store looking homeless; it's the best place to meet men!" what she didn't tell me was that i should really keep it cool and not act crazy. (for most people this is common sense. but like i said...when i get around hot guys...i lose my freaking mind.)
so the first fiasco happened about a year ago when i first moved here. i headed to trader joe's one evening after work. naturally i felt cute...i was in work clothes. i had had a great day at work and wanted to pick up some "good" wine and snacks. i was browsing around the store for about 15 minutes and ended up in the frozen food section. now this trader joe's didn't have the nice swing door frozen food sections. oh no...they had the ones that you have to lean into in order to get your stuff. (something you should know about me...i'm 5'3. this means that most things are a reach for me.) with that being said i went to reach for some strawberries; which of course were in the very back of this case. i almost had them in my hand and BAM...lost my balance and fell face first into the frozen food case.
pausing for laughter....
after about two seconds of trying to gain my balance the elegant way (whatever that is) i started to teeter totter back and forth on my stomach with no success. another second goes by and mr. hot joe sees me struggling hardcore and comes over and offers his help. "oh my god ma'am. are you okay!" (MA'AM!!! YOU DON'T EVEN WORK HERE. HOW OLD DO I LOOK?) with my legs and butt in the air and my face completely planted into a box of frozen strawberries; i extended my hand and let him gently tug me out of the case. after what felt like hours but clearly were mere seconds i got myself together and said thank you. i waved awkwardly and ran to the check out...of course without half of the things i went there for in the first place. embarrassment will do that to you.
fast forward to this past week... I had the awesome pleasure of spazing out yet again. this time it was at good ole whole foods. i'm not sure what it is about these specialty grocery stores but they seem to attract the most hot men. i was walking down an aisle and coming towards me was the cutest guy. the kind of cute that you don't notice right away but then he smiles and you are completely caught of guard. mr. smile gave me the full megawatt treatment and i was so dazzled that i didn't see the 12ft post right in front of me. "naturally" i hit it head on; resulting in me running smack dab into my cart forcefully ramming into my belly...and cue the horrific noise leaving my mouth. mr. smile went from dazzle to horrified.
"are you okay?" - mr. smile
"yes...that came out of nowhere!" - me (what?? did it tanyel?)
"clearly. you gotta watch out for those "out of nowhere posts." (insert the "you're pathetic smile")
i quickly gathered my wits about me and sped to the register.
at this rate i may be a spinster who zumbas with a lot of bruises and pairs of shoes.
will i ever get it together? ...eventually. ha
here's to all my fellow spaztastic peeps and all our glory.
Labels: the misters